I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
