they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize