Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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