If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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