do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize