You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
