I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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