Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
