And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
