Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
