Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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