Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
