Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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