remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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