Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Will exercising make me less horny?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
