i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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