were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
