I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
