If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How external is "for external use only"?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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