I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
