there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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