You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
smell my finger.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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