So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
