Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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