dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
