Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
