so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it was like eating out sand paper
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
