we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
