Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
