I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
