the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize