My balls are so social today.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
