Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize