tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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