I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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