Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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