I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
