Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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