this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
