and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
