So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
