benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
