at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
