you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize