So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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