Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
