I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize