Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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