Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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