he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
