Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I want is dick and wine.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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