"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
