No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize