he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
