oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
