Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize