How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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