We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
