you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
