he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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