I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
