i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
