How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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