Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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