We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
