She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
