im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
